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Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the base operator asked him. Warren and Joy agreed and up they went. One day, at an event honoring veterans, a young man asked where they had been stationed. 33. The soldier remarked, How long was I in there for?. Their one extravagance: a bare light bulb theyd hung from the ceiling. One guy was reading a newspaper article from back home about a congressional investigation into why some troops were living in relative luxury. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. San JoseTower: "Flight 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. Reluctantly, he showed it to me. 6, 2 to cheer, 2 to fire the weapon and 2 to take pictures! Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? Fighter Training Manual Airspeed, Altitude, and Brains Two are always needed to successfully complete a flight, 7. They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears one in a UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. It is the law; and it's not subject to repeal. You might be in the Coast Guard if you abbreviate words so much that you forget how to spell them out. Youre the only one I can think of she wont be able to drink under the table.. What do hungry Marines eat? How old are you? a tenant asked. Now he likes peanuts.. There are so many funny military jokes and jabs out there so it took me a while to compile a list of only the best. The other replied, Not me! Forty years later, Dad met the man responsible, and he told him how impressed he had been. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. Had a new guy conduct a boom test on a howitzer by yelling Boom! down the tube in order to calibrate it Members of the U.S. Navy are known to be a pretty sarcastic bunch. Stay out of clouds. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. This site contains affiliate links. Problems reported by Pilots and Solutions noted by Aircraft Engineers in aircraft Technical Logs. Tell these quips to a friend in the service to give them a good chuckle. The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. In the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments, 23. 12. Everyone seemed OK with this order except for one confused recruit. Whats the difference between a fighter pilot and a fighter jet? When the sailor finishes up, he heads to the sink to wash his hands. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. 13:30 comes and goes. Filed Under: Lifestyle, Veteran Life Tagged With: funny, humor, jokes, military jokes. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. The tenant shook her head. Well, I, too, am a SEASONED Veteran! 1. Anecdotes 2. Every military branch thinks that theyre the best, the most important, and in their own way the hardest working. 4. Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics. ", Warren replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Joy fell out, but you know, fifty quid is fifty quid". Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. What grades do you need to get to join the Navy? It does look like its been fished out from the bottom of the sea.. 35. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. Thanks. He did his daredevil tricks over, and over again, but still not a word. I served in Japan, said Uncle Sid. 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside! Officer: Soldier. She also liked her scotch. 42. We are directly under the moon.. Thats why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship. Either way, it is a simple gesture that will be sure to get a grin. I thought you had to be in relatively good shape to join the Marines.. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. Me: Hello? You might be a Coastie if a cruise does not sound like a vacation to you. Me: Still the wrong number. Do you want to hear about my plane?. I've told you that I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. And you also make me nervous when you visit.. Jokes about crayon eaters and narcissistic Air Force personnel will never get old, though. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. Related read: 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base? Even his son turned up. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. Sure, its hilarious to poke fun at rival branches sometimes. Pilots 5. An airplane! P | Test flight OK, except autoland very rough. However, one day he came into the room whistling with a smile on his face. Me: Sorry, you have the wrong number. 8. Eat up! You might be a Coastie if you forget how to color coordinate normal civilian clothes after weeks of wearing only blue. But my fears were put to rest one day while getting into formation, which was determined by height. The program was halted when, after years of research and millions of dollars spent, the spy cat was run over by a cab. What would As A.J. One day, the pilot of a single-engine Cherokee was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. Mother, as you know, I, too, am a captain in the Air Force. Passenger Cargo that talks or Self-loading freight, 58. But other times, we also want some good clean humor with no chance of ruffling feathers. "It took us a while to find a new pilot." Why did the airplane get sent to his room? In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. February 24, 2023 Two B-52s Fly Over Tallinn For Estonia Independence Day Military Aviation February 23, 2023 F-35C . Can You Name All 8 United States Uniformed Services? You had tents?, A drill sergeant yells at his young trainee, I didnt see you at camouflage training this morning, private!, The private replies, Well, thank you very much, sir., A general gets stuck in his Jeep on the side of the road. But I am public affairs, I said. Joke #1 Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. While everyone was concentrating on the task at hand, I held up a spare pin and asked, Has anyone seen my grenade?. Death is just natures way of telling you to watch your airspeed. WARNING: Tons of dad jokes lie ahead. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, An officer asked if I knew what it meant. Attention! One day, I was told to report to my commanding officer, who ordered me to escort Ms. Raye. The Best Short Military Jokes 1. Now, lets try it again! Nothing, she said. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. Max Stanley (Test Pilot) The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world It can just barely kill you, 31. We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. I smiled and said, Sure was a lot of em, huh sir?. There was bound to be trouble, and I was right, because suddenly, he fell silenteyebrows arched, brain overloaded. A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. Why does the military only allow dress shirts during ceremonies and events? I was cold is not a sufficient reason for being caught in the female barracks. On-time Arrival Obscure term meaning unknown, 63. Awesome page, I came out of the US Army in 92. "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and eventually one of them will. Military jokes! Landings are mandatory. What happened when a soldier went into an enemy bar? So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. Long Haul He holds the bulb and then the world revolves around him to screw it in. Trust us; we have plenty of those, too. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. As soon as we have sorted out Kosovo, Bosnia, Macedonia, Serbia, Iraq, Northern Ireland, Sierra Leone, The Congo, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and compulsory health and safety at work training, we will return your call. No one knows their way around sarcasm more than our U.S. troops. He then made his way to my side. A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. I say again, stand down and divert your course. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. The Lasting Supper Aircraft Pilot "Radar, we're a flight of two A10s, currently overhead and, er, we've forgotten our callsign", Radar Controller: "No problem, we'll allocate temporary ones: adopt callsign Stupid One and Stupid Two". Why? I asked. Remember them the next time youre talking to a friend or family member that has served as a Marine because these jokes are bound to make them smile. The next day, I received a letter addressed to Sgt. Theres a post recall and he has to go to work. Because the Army needed heroes too. At least SEVEN Cs! We have one or two in here! What is a Soldiers least favorite month? A military private saying I learned this in boot camp During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. 4. One started by saying, Okay smartass, which one is closer, the moon or Florida? The second responded by saying, Obviously its the moon you cant see Florida!. As A.J. One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. A Recruiter Misled You. ", The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it on the ground, took off her clothing and said, "Take what you want", The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway". So I quit ordering it.. Not long after, I had a large kettle of soup simmering. Francis Marion, the Swamp Fox, Revolutionized American Warfare. I was very nervous, she said. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a My granddaughter's husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his personnel addressed to Dear Sirs and Maams. It was received as Dear Sirs and Mamas. Phyllis Howard.